Men Can Stop Rape

When I think of that phrase, it's easy to imagine a man foiling an attempted rape by some act of bravery, possibly physically restraining or disabling an attacker. Though that might be a common mental picture, I'm inclined to think otherwise.

We've never met and probably never will, but unfortunately I know more about rape than I ever wanted to. My wife was raped a few years ago, turning our lives upside down. As she bravely stood up to him in court, I listened to the defense attorney badger her with the phrases her attacker used to disparage and demean her in an attempt to intimidate her. As I sat there, I realized that much of the language this rapist used was language I've heard in bathrooms at concerts and sporting events, at bars, in casual conversation between hyper-sexed twenty-somethings. I think, as a culture, we have some disturbing issues to face.

I believe as men, we can begin to stop rape by stopping the objectification of women. Women are not just objects to relieve ourselves with. They're more than "booties" or "hooters." If a woman is just an object, then treating them as less than human is an unfortunately inevitable conclusion.

I'm not suggesting that all men are pigs and inclined to rape if the moment presents itself. I am suggesting that as these ideas are allowed to fester, the likelihood can only increase. Add drugs or alcohol to the mix, as inhibitions are numbed, personal restraint goes out the window, and "no" becomes "she wanted it." Far fetched? Unfortunately, I don't think so.

Am I a prude? An alarmist? Possibly. All I can really tell you is that I spent years lying next to a woman who was treated like a piece of meat by a man who "knew what she really wanted." I've seen the nightmares, the self-hatred, the anger, and despair up close and personal. I hope you never have to.

The first line of defense is in the minds of men. Be courageous and take a stand. A woman you love is relying on it.

John Q. Everyman